This might sound trite to some- here I have two healthy, nice kids and I’m complaining?  Yeah, well, it is what it is.  I don’t claim to be the best mother in the universe, but I do keep a clean house, at least attempt to get my kids to eat well, take them out daily, read to them, and so forth.   They do absolutely delight me often.  I look down on my daughter’s tossled little head, just tall enough for me to put my whole hand on her head, or my little buddy’s fat cheeks, eyes, thighs- well he is a living dolly.  But for me staying at home is a bit like permanent vacation days.  It’s not that there isn’t always something to do, it’s just nothing that is mentally challenging, at all.   Lots of menial tasks, most of which are not noticed or appreciated by anyone, and the pay is terrible. Take potty training for example, more than wits it takes tenacity, and dealing with lots of pee.  Teaching my little guy words takes repetition.  There’s a lot of repetition and tenacity in raising little kids.

No question once they get school aged I’ll look back and miss the time they were little.  We color our memories by focusing on the best bits and forgetting the boring bits, the things that we repeat day after day, because they just aren’t all that memorable.  Nothing wrong with that, but if someone wants to know what it is like, in the moment, to have an almost 3 yr old and a just 1 yr old and stay home (the latter bit because that’s what I happen to have experience with) I’d say it can be very boring, anxiety ridden and it can be irritating, as well as cute and rewarding.  Be prepared when your little guy shoves his fat face too full of food and gags, but it sure makes Halloween fun again.  And the toys aren’t just fun for the little ones.  I don’t regret it.

There is no difference between getting immune through a vaccine vs getting immune  the ‘natural’ way by contracting the disease, except that the latter involves getting sick, possibly seriously sick.  Either way your body produces antibodies to the virus.

This is not a conspiracy by ‘big Pharma’.  Think about it: would ‘big Pharma’ make more money on the vaccine, or all the drugs necessary for treating devastating diseases?  I think the latter.

There is much more mercury in a can of tuna than in any vaccine preservative.  In fact, the former involves a more dangerous sort which doesn’t leave the bloodstream as rapidly as the kind in some vaccines does.  Think about it- if vaccine preservatives really caused neurological disorders, why don’t kids exhibit any classic symptoms of heavy metal poisoning?  It doesn’t add up.

By not vaccinating yourself and your child you are putting other high risk groups at risk.  You could be responsible, indirectly, for the death of a child who for some reason cannot receive a vaccine, or who did but got sick anyway and because of an immune situation dies (vaccines here are about 90% effective).

H1N1 is just an influenza strain, but a new one, and therefore somewhat unpredictable.  Just because it seems milder now doesn’t mean it couldn’t mutate later- and if it does, the vaccine will still provide fairly good protection.  Likewise, the less people who get the vaccine, the more time the virus has to circulate around and therefore mutate into a more virulent strain.  So there again you are culpable.

The H1N1 vaccine wouldn’t have even been a separate vaccine if they were able to develop it faster, it would’ve just been put in the seasonal flu vaccine and you wouldn’t even be asking special questions about it.  It’s the same sort of vaccine.

Yes, MOTHERS, apparently now we are to feel infinitely guilty for yelling.  Don’t get me wrong, I am completely against yelling at children daily. Not only will that likely over stress a child but will be completely ineffective and obviously bite you in the butt.  But here is the question, is an occassional yelling at really a bad thing?  The article argues yes, because it makes children feel bad.  But ask you, readers, isn’t the point of any discipline to make children feel at least a little bit bad?  Aren’t you supposed to feel badly when you’ve done something wrong?  What do they call those people who never feel guilty?  oh yeah, sociopaths.

I’m concerned that we’re raising a generation of little sociopaths.  Mothers are made to feel guilty (apparently it’s okay to make mothers feel bad with abandon) for ever making their children feel badly at all, even a little, ever, to the extent that now motheres will put up with any crap from their little ones.  Unfortunately, that leads to the raising of horrible, unhappy little human beings.

Again I would have to argue that moderation is the issue.  Part of raising a child is that the child learns to feel guilty about doing things which are genuinely wrong.  Losing your cool because of an accident or minor incident is probably something you shouldn’t do (though I doubt it’s damaging if it’s a twice yearly occurence).  However, a controlled use of an angry tone with the intention of making a child feel badly for something that really shouldn’t be done can work, if it’s not used constantly.  The point of discipline is to invoke some kind of unpleasant feelings.  If a controlled ‘yelling at’, which apparently includes using an angry tone accomplishes this goal, why not?  So long as the normal, majority experiences with the child are very positive so this doesn’t constitute the only interaction that you have with the child, isn’t it your responsibility to mold good behavior?

Here are some things I’ve found:

- baby dropping.  With #1 this didn’t happen really until I was in labor, so you can imagine when my little guy dropped in a dramatic fashion complete with a tiny bit of spotting at 35 wks I was interested.  Very interested.  I could now sit and lounge for more than 15 minutes before experiencing discomfort in my sternum and having to revert to lying down.  I never knew that just being able to sit, slouch even!, would be such a luxury.

I began to search through birth stories of babies born at 35 wks just to be sure that if I were to go into labor at this unusual happening my little guy would be alright.  I repeated the process at 36 weeks.

- loose stools.  Before or during labor the progesterone released often has the effect of cleaning out the bowels.  After I started early contractions with my daughter within a couple hrs I experienced this.  But, since the baby dropped this time I’ve had loose stools, and sometimes diarrhea off and on.  Some sites tell me that this can signal that labor is a day or two away, but so far no luck.

- loss of mucus plug, increased discharge.  This is another thing that happened within hrs of getting early contractions with my first baby and there was no mistaking it.  The plug came out in one big chunk, it was clear and seemed almost like plastic, and there was some stringy bloody mucus accompanying it.  I continued with bloody show into that evening.  So far, I’ve lost only small bits of hard, clear stuff, that was a week ago.

- cramping.  Now this is something I did not get with #1 really at all.  I know some women experience menstrual like cramps off and on throughout pregnancy, not me.  I didn’t experience any until a week ago, in an episode that lasted a couple of hrs.  I had high hopes that perhaps this would signal incoming true contractions but my hopes were again dashed.  There wasn’t any hardening of the uterus that I could detect so who knows what that was about?  I have no idea.

- persistent backache.  I have been blessed with both pregnancies not to experience backache.  I’d like to attribute it to staying active, I even worked out until last weeks extreme heat wave hit, but I think most of it really is luck.  So, when I’ve experienced any backache the last couple of weeks, though not getting all that excited about it, my mind of course ‘went there’.

- contractions.  I’ve gotten a lot more contraction action this time around than with my first which is a large part of why I’ve been so preoccupied with spotting labor.  With my first, contractions simply felt like my belly getting firm, like Braxton Hicks practice ones, that just got harder and more intense.  I never got the wrap around from the back thing at all.  I’ve gotten so many BH contractions this time around that I’ve decided to ignore them entirely now and unless a contraction manages to grab my attention by being a little stronger I won’t bother with any pattern seeking.

- upset stomach, nausea.  Some nausea can accompany early labor, something I didn’t experience with #1, but again if I feel that way at all I have my hopes that perhaps labor will follow.  No luck so far.  I’ve had several bouts of mild morning sickness like nausea these past few weeks with no results.

So far no luck.  I find my obsession impossible to avoid and even my hubby is completely distracted by the near coming of our little son.  I’ve given into it.  I think so much about him coming that I can’t concentrate on much else for long, which has led to setting record Bejeweled Blitz scores, and of course, wondering if that sensation could be the start of a contraction…

In any case, these posts that I deleted went so far as to suggest that women who try Cry It Out with their babies ought to be investigated by the Child Protective Services.  That’s right.  How’d you like that judgemental wind bag for a friend?  Let me repeat my story, which is so easily ignored, my now 1.5 yr old is recognized as exceptionally happy, sociable and affectionate by those who know her (unless they are bearded men, then it takes a little longer ).  And, did you know, she was trained to sleep alone using a Cry It Out method when she was 4 months old?  Where are the signs of that terrible week which apparently imprinted her soul forever with the message “mommy hates me!”?

Come on, get over the dramatics already.  No one likes to hear a baby cry, but that particular fact doesn’t stop rational women from getting their babies vaccinated (whether on a regular or non regular schedule or what have you, that’s not my point here).  If you want to train your child that the world will dissolve and end unless mommy is always within reach, then go ahead, teach your child that you are the center of the universe.  I’m not sure that sounds so healthy to me.

By the way, for those of you considering this as a possibility for your babies and curious about exactly how it worked out here is how it happened with my four month old.  By the way, if your baby has acid reflux or is a month old, you may want to factor in those facts and be extra careful about the reflux and consider that newborns don’t have a circadian rhythm.

Night one: I went in every five minutes to try to comfort her, even though it just pissed her off more.  I let her cry for 20 minutes before picking her up and trying again.  She fell asleep within the next 10 minutes.

Night two: similar story except that she fell asleep under 20 minutes.

Night three: pretty similar to the night before, about 15 minutes.  I’m starting to feel better about things.

Night four: she falls asleep closer to 10 minutes.

Night five: she falls asleep under 10 minutes… until night seven, pretty much exactly, she doesn’t cry at all.

For those mothers who are convinced that allowing a baby to cry for any length of time irrevocably harms them, I suppose colicky babies who cry whether held or not are screwed?  The reason I decided to add this bit is to demonstrate that this is not about letting a baby cry for hours on end for months with no one to help them.  The first couple of days are difficult because mothers love their babies and hate to hear them cry, but after a couple of days and you see it start to work, ahh, hurray!

Perhaps one thing you noticed about my description above is the focus on her dreams, her wants, her self fulfillment.  It is precisely this note which is struck everytime I hear or read an interview with her which puts my teeth on edge.  I notice many comments from women which support her since shouldn’t single women have the right to have children too?  I’m going to be provocative here and answer… NO.  The moment having children is primarily about fulfilling your dreams and desires and self-fulfillment to the extent that you don’t care about whether or not you can provide financially adequately or provide a stable two parent home for children to grow up in things have gone wrong.  Way wrong.  Not everyone should get what they want, that’s not how life works.  Sometimes life is very unfair but that doesn’t meant that you should pass on your bad fortune (inability to find a good hubby, inability to not live in a cardboard box, and so forth) to the next generation?  If you think that your love for a child will be enough to recompense for those failings, that’s not true, you are doing them a disservice whether you mean to or not. 

Nadya Suleman represents this selfish want mentality par excellence, she embodies the growing number of children born out of wedlock, not because their mom made an honest mistake, but from some shortsighted design.  She represents a cultural movement which encourages women to conceive because they feel like it, because they think it would be fun, because damn it, they want a big family.  Wake up America, more importantly, grow up.

For anyone with even moderate stances concerning the topic of abortion, this physician’s willingness to terminate babies in the womb past 22 weeks, 19 in total, is frankly horrendous.  Details of the case suggest that there weren’t extenuating circumstances involves, such a baby with a serious malformation.  The physician simply felt that a woman even at such a late date in her pregnancy should be allowed to terminate.  The question  arises, if a baby that might have been born alive and well at the same time a physician destroys it on the mother’s behest, really, why wouldn’t that count as infanticide?  Conceivably the mother-to-be could go into labor and have a perfectly viable newborn.  Why would the day before a birth not count as murder, but the next day count as infaniticide that everyone would strongly condemn and demand justice?  This is insanity, and the man in question deserves jail time.

So what is it like to stay at home, be a housewife and mother?  Well, there are dishes, vacuuming, laundry, bathtubs and toilets to scrub, new recipes to try and playdates and outings to plan.  There are board books to read outloud, duplos to put together, lots of chasing around and cuddling at night.  There are baths to give, grocery shopping lists, nails to clip and hair to trim.  All of this can be fundamentally fulfilling if garbage is let go of, poison we are force fed especially if university educated, that women aren’t fulfilled unless giving their spirits to outside careers, that housework is drudgery, that men are out to oppress women and that there is a battle of the sexes.  If you hold on to these tenents, not only will you be unable to find staying home with your children fulfilling, you are unlikely to find real happiness at all.  True, lasting, deep fulfillment only comes through the acknowledgement and fulfilling of our deepest human needs for family, for community, for children.  Yes, status comes into play, but when that need is exalted above all others and becomes an end in itself misery is produced. 

My husband and I never fight because we are partners, he is not my oppressor trying to suppress my identity and freedom.  As studies have shown that marital strife causes depression and physical distress particularly in women, I enjoy multiple benefits from sustaining a happy, strife free marriage.  It’s pretty simple- care about the other person at least as much as yourself and your own needs.  I enjoy housework because I get to enjoy an immediate sense of satisfaction from its completion.  I have such control over my mood and the mood of my family by having a clean feeling place to be.  It’s very relaxing.  I enjoy playing with my daughter although it’s not ‘intellectually stimulating’ for me because she enjoys it and when she is happy, I am happy.  When I let go and am open to the possibilities of enjoying activities that I think, somewhere in the back of my mind, that I ought to resist, I find to my delight that there is so much joy to find out of so many ordinary things of every day.

Above and beyond that every woman is responsible for her own happiness.  If she’s bored, she ought to think about her talents and interests and by all means join groups and learn new skills.  But the notion that happiness will only be achieved through the status conferred through a corporation is to buy into a rather bizarre, classist, lie.

- Run away after she’s been stripped bare for bath time carrying off her clothes.

- Try to sing the ABCs which sounds mostly like a muffled “a,b,c, lmnop”

- Put away my clothes for me , and also many other things, in my drawers.

- Push herself down slides after counting down “onneeee…. twwwooooo…..”

- Pick books off of the bookshelf, such as Plato’s dialogues, to ‘read’.  She looks very serious while doing this.

- Talk on my phone, including the telling of jokes that she laughs at and frequent “okay”s.

- She gets very excited for mealtimes and when she thinks I might be getting done tries to get into her high chair by herself.

Basically she’s a walking talking show and EVERYTHING is interesting.  I love it.

So, some points:  You are not ignoring a ‘need’.  The baby really NEEDS a full night sleep, and you know it.  You also know that if they sleep with you they won’t be getting the same kind of solid sleep they get on their own.  What they NEED is for their mother to teach them that the world won’t melt away if they aren’t continuously in her arms, that it’s okay to be on their own, and that nonetheless the mother is still there protecting them. 

- You will likely be a better parent for getting a full night sleep, as will your hubby.  If you are chronically lacking slumber you cannot help but be affected over time.

- You will be likely a better parent for having some alone time and time alone with the daddy.  We love our babies more than life itself and would die for them in a moment, but it is awfully nice to know that sometime between 7-8 pm a babysitter takes over and gives me hrs alone to read and cuddle with my husband every day while my little daughter sleeps peacefully.

-  The actual crying it out part lasts only about a week.  That’s not really what the antis would have you think, they’ll cast you as an evil woman allowing your child to cry herself to sleep for hrs night after night.  This is total BS.

- You are setting the groundwork for some independence.  A 5 yr old that doesn’t feel comfortable being alone and having that alone time at night to play and talk herself to sleep is simply not as healthy as a 5 yr old who is able to feel safe alone in her own bed in her own house.

If you have an alternative method to using some form of crying it out that works with your baby, great!  I hope that my next one will respond to some kind of method that involves me slowly moving out of the room, but if he is anything like my daughter, it will never fly and I’ll go through the process again.